


With A Door Between Them

by rosesisupposes



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Allusion to Moceit, Canon Compliant, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Gen, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, The Imagination Room (Sanders Sides), mentions of remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:26:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesisupposes/pseuds/rosesisupposes
Summary: Set right after POF - Janus tries to talk to Roman
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 71





	With A Door Between Them

**Author's Note:**

> I return from the dead with this mix of projection and hurt/comfort and need for a fix-it.
> 
> I love Roman so much and goddammit if I must write all the reassurance myself I will.

Janus fidgets with his gloves, staring at the gilded door in front of him. He takes a breath, and knocks.

“Yes?”

“May I come in?”

“Are you sure you didn’t mean to go to Remus’ door instead, I know you get us confused!”

“Roman, I just want to talk.”

“Thanks but no thanks, I’ve had enough lectures for one day!”

“I’m not here to lecture you-”

“I don’t care. Go away.”

“Roman, please, just listen-”

Instead of a reply, Janus hears the orchestral sounds that mean Roman’s opened up a portal to the Imagination.

With a sigh, Janus pushing open the bedroom door to see the portal starting to close. He snaps, and it freezes just long enough for him to follow the Prince into his realm.

A grand castle, shimmering in polished marble and gilded roofs, stands before him. A flicker of a familiar red sash pulls his attention to the highest tower. He makes his way through the corridors and staircases until he finds the heavy oak door to the tower room.

“Roman, listen, please, just for a moment-”

“Oh my god, do you have to just slither in everywhere? Is it not enough to just fucking bask in your newfound acceptance and everyone agreeing with you? You’ve just gotta rub it in how wrong I always am?!”

“No, I just really need-”

“The only thing you _need_ to get lost. There’s a whole magical forest just south of here, why don’t you try it. Better yet, get out of the kingdom.”

“I’m not leaving. I need to talk to you.”

“Too bad, this castle is enchanted so that no one can lie, guess you’ll have nothing to say.”

“That’s rather harsh.”

“Yeah, well,” Roman says with a bitter laugh. “That’s all I’m good for now. Just fuck off and let me wallow, will you?”

“I have something you need to hear.”

“Too bad.”

Janus sighs, and sinks against the wall, sitting on the tower landing. He glances at the heavy door, and settles in to wait.

Long moments pass in silence, before Janus hears a huff on the other side of the door. “You’re still there, aren’t you.”

“I am.”

“Ugh.”

Janus hears footsteps, retreating and returning. Roman must be pacing on the other side of the door. Janus just waits.

“Shouldn’t you and Patton be busy planning your wedding by now?” Roman grumbles.

“And break my confirmed bachelorhood?”

_ “Ugh!” _

More footsteps, stomping across the stone floor and back.

“Does Virgil know what happened yet?”

“I assume so.”

“He hasn’t said anything to you yet?”

“I haven’t exactly gone out of my way to let him hiss at me more.”

“Of course you haven’t.”

_ Stomp-stomp-stomp. _

“Why are you just sitting there!!! Don’t you have anything better to do than annoy me?”

“I told you, it’s important that I talk to you.”

“And I told you, I don’t want to hear it!”

“I know.”

“So why won’t you just leave?”

“Because it’s important.”

“UGH!”

The steps shuffle and stop. Something thuds against the door, followed by the sound of cloth sliding against wood. Janus shifts until he’s leaning against the door from the outside.

“I don’t see what could possibly be so important that only  _ you _ could tell me,” Roman grumbles.

“Who would you have preferred in my stead?”

“Anyone but my brother. Actually, scratch that, I’d  _ rather  _ have Remus.”

Janus smirks, knowing Roman can’t see him. “What’s the saying? Blood is thicker than water?”

Roman snorts. “You’re not water. Unless you’ve secretly been Jesus this whole time and you keep miracle-ing it into wine.”

“Alas, no, my secret is out, how ever will I recover.”

Roman huffs out laughter, then groans. “No, stop that. No making me laugh when I’m mad at you. Fuck off. Go away.”

“Sorry, no can do. Not until you let me tell you what I came to say.”

“Lalalalala, I can’t hear you! Hm, wonder if the snake is talking? I don’t know, I can’t hear anything. Lalalala blah blah blah blah bubba gump shrimp!”

Janus waits as Roman continues to ramble, fiddling with his cape chain until the stream of words lessens to a trickle.

“I don’t think either of you is the “evil” twin, you know,” Janus says as Roman finally lapses into silence.

“What?”

“You and Remus. I don’t think either of you are evil. Evil implies some inherent level of ill will.”

“Okay but- wait, what? Is this what you came to say? Is this the big thing that couldn’t wait?”

“No, but- earlier. I’m quite fond of Remus. He’s chaotic, but not  _ malicious _ . I don’t think comparing someone to him is necessarily an insult.”

Roman grunts.

“I know you don’t like the comparison, because being separate from him is important to you. But I-  _ that’s _ what I wanted to say. To ask. Why do you think it’s such a sensitive issue for you?”

“You  _ do _ remember how we ended up as two sides in the first place, correct?” For a moment, Roman’s voice is a dry as Janus at his most sarcastic.

“Yes, but- you’re still Creativity. Being similar to him won’t change that.”

“The mindscape named us for a  _ reason _ _,_ snakeface. I’m the Prince, not the Duke.”

“Prince William is technically a Duke-”

“Yeah, like technicalities matter in the subconscious!”

“Then what’s the big difference that overcomes the technicalities?”

“Has Thomas ever,  _ ever, _ read a story where the  _ Duke  _ is the hero?”

Janus leans his head all the way back against the door. There’s an edge in Roman’s voice, a warning note that says  _ don’t keep pushing _ . But Janus can’t let that stop him, not when they’re both so close.

“Why does being his hero matter so much?”

“It’s what I’m supposed to be!”

“So?”

“So without it, I don’t have a purpose!”

“Roman-“

Roman’s voice is speeding up, no longer talking to Janus, just himself. “No purpose means I’m useless, and useless means I’m not needed, and not needed means-“

Janus waits.

Roman’s voice breaks “If he doesn’t need me, Thomas won’t keep putting up with me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Oh please, like  _ you  _ of all people don’t know.” Roman snaps, voice strained with the effort to not cry. “I might have only one brain cell but at least it still knows what I’m like. I’m extra. I’m over the top. How many times have I pulled us all into dumbassery because I didn’t pause or hesitate and just charged in? I have no impulse control, even when I really should. Like when someone trusts us with personal information that took a lot to share and I just- laugh.”

Janus grimaces. “Your reaction being inappropriate didn’t justify mine. I knew how hurtful my words would be. Like you, I didn’t control the impulse. But my slip was worse. And I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“But you’re not escaping talking about this. Thomas won’t ‘keep putting up with’ you? Roman, he loves you. You’re important to him, without being ‘of use.’”

Roman grunts. 

“You don’t believe me.”

Confirming grunt. 

“You still think you have to be needed.”

A pause. “Mhm.”

“Roman, what’s my function. What do I do for Thomas?

“I- well, I know it’s more than just deceit.”

“That’s right. Lies are a means to an end. And the end is self-preservation.”

“You protect him.” Roman says quietly. “From running himself ragged just to meet others’ expectations. From the rest of us completely take over his energy, whether that’s creating endlessly, or learning everything, or sacrificing himself to be perfectly selfless.”

“That’s part of it, yeah. You want to know a secret?”

“What”

“I mess up too, Prince. Not just in lashing out at you. Sometimes the lies that are meant to be self-preserving backfire.”

“I- what?”

“Sometimes, I let us tell ourselves lies that protect our egos, or that let us avoid having to grapple with more painful questions and realities. I help us spin a narrative so strong that it doesn’t even feel like a lie anymore, just a fundamental truth. But eventually, even the strongest narratives get enough holes poked into them that they crumble.”

Janus shifts, leaning sideways against the door, and continues. “And the worst part is that even as they crumble, you can’t always tell that the foundations were fabrications in the first place. You just accept them as truth, and the crumbling as failure. You believe your doubts and worries are clear-eyed truth-tellers.”

“You?”

“All of you. Thomas, Patton, Virgil, everyone. But you, Roman, most recently.”

“Oh great, I’m lying to myself now too?”

“Yes, you are.”

“And how, pray tell, am I deluding myself today?”

Janus pauses, makes sure Roman’s listening, and says, “By saying Thomas has to ‘need’ you to love you. By telling yourself you need to 'earn' your place among us. By thinking we don’t treasure you regardless of your contributions.”

“What do you- I-”

“Roman, listen very closely, okay? You  _ are _ worth it. You’re worth the ‘trouble.’ You’re worthy of our love, and our time, and our care. We  _ want you around, _ and we’ll keep wanting you around. Full stop.”

Silence, only quiet breathing, and Janus finally cracks open the door. Roman’s sitting on the floor, back against the wall, tears flowing through the fingers hiding his face as his shoulders wrack with silent sobs. 

Janus scoots over until their shoulders touch. Without speaking, he runs a gloved hand gently through Roman’s hair, over and over, until Roman manages to speak.

“You really mean it?”

Janus turns just enough for Roman to see him as he removes the glove from his right hand. He lifts his bare hand, and waits until Roman meets his eyes to say quietly, “I promise.”


End file.
